I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
