Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
