her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
