Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
