I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
