vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
