Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
