i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
