I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
