just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
