I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
