There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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