Having a random hookup so left but love u
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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