i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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