No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
