whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I AM VODKA MAN
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize