She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
