I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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