that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
