Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
