There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
