Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
