I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
