I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize