last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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