It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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