And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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