i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
