Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
