Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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