I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
