I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
