so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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