you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
