in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
