was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
