Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
