i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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