Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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