But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
