Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
