Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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