I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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