I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
