I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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