I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
