My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
