There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
pray to the hookup gods
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
