We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
