she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
