Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize