I wish my penis had an off switch
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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