why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
