and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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