There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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