But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
