Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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