Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize