I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
