You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize