apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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