so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
