party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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