I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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