I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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