So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
