I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
