you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
