Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
