I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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