How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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