the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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